WOW... or... World Of Wonder... (as I like to think of it)

Today I will revisit one of my experiments.
Life is an experiment.
It is four p.m. and 
I have decided to blog.

Many sunrises have occurred since I last blogged.
I have thought about writing a great deal.
Thinking is good, acting is exciting, yet risky.
Procrastinating is curious.

Yesterday while shopping I stepped backwards 
and serendipitously bumped into a stranger, Barbara. 
Barbara and I shared snippets of our life experiences.
It was like a Soul Sisters' rendezvous. 

I shared one of my philosophies with her
"On any given day we do the best we can 
with what we have available on that day."
Today I have the desire to share this thought 

with you, my reader(s)...yes, today, I am doing
the best blogging I can do, and 
hopefully someone, somewhere, somehow will  
read it and... yes, the ability to read, think, write... WOW...

Trust

I find it helpful to take a road trip every now and then. I am so fortunate that I have the time and the means to do this. I am grateful that I have friends that say, "Come see us. Stay a few days. You are always welcome." On Election Day 2012 I packed, voted, and headed south. I decided to trust my iPhone Map App to get me to my destination. Now call me crazy, but for comparison, I also had my old faithful Garmin Girl with me. She talks to me and we have traveled together for four years. She has taken me on some interesting side roads for which I was often reminded of the value of an old fashioned road map. How surprised I was when suddenly I realized that my iPhone had her own Girl and she, too, was talking to me!  Trust me, I do not know how she got into my phone. I have used the phone often to find directions from here to there, but it never talked to me before! I am still wondering what I touched to make this happen? Beats the heck out of me and because of this uncertainty  I am not sure I can trust it to do it every time. However, it did direct me to my good friends, Bonnie and Doug, in North Carolina this time.

Trust: *
1a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b: one in which confidence is placed
2 a: dependence on something future or contingent: hope
b: reliance on future payment for property (as merchandise) delivered

* defined by my Merriam-Webster app

On my road trip I had an unexpected trust placed in me by a complete stranger.  Her name was Pat and she is an artist who works with clay. She was selling her creations at a Pottery Fair in North Carolina. She had a necklace I took a fancy to for some reason. She accepted only cash or a personal check. I was low on cash that day (there was  no 'free' debit ATM in the immediate vicinity and I simply refuse to pay to get my money out of a machine) and I had no checks with me. I thought well I guess this necklace is not supposed to be mine. Pat simply said, "Take it. Send me a check when you get home." Then she wrote her personal address on her business card and handed it to me. What a refreshing offer! A complete stranger trusted me. It got me to thinking about integrity and being a person of your word - a core value instilled in me by my parents.  "A man is only as good a his word," Dad used to say. A woman, too, Dad!

"Respect is a two way street," my son told me once when we were discussing the challenges of single parenting and teenage trust. I certainly agreed. Establishing trust between two (or more people) is one of the amazing gifts we can offer each other in this world. Establishing trust between teacher and student is critical for teaching and learning. Sometimes one just has to extend it to receive it. Sharing trust is so empowering. I am thinking about how awesome it would be if all teachers trusted all students, all students trusted all teachers, all teachers trusted each other, and last, but not least - all students trusted each other. How is that for idealism?

I mailed Pat my check today. Thank you, Pat, for extending trust to a stranger. You reminded me of the value in trust. I'm enjoying my new necklace. I am not sure I trust either of my GPS systems. I'll keep exploring the wonder of technology and keep a map in my vehicle.  

Fun

I am simply in awe of stories. Telling and listening to stories cultivates understanding and opens minds to more possibilities.

My View from the View # 1

For six years I was privileged to have owned and operated "The View" Restaurant at Indian Kettles with my now late husband, Brad. It was an amazing endeavor that we embarked upon together despite all expert restaurateur advice to the contrary. Without a crystal ball six years ago today we opened for what turned out to be our last day of business. We had great plans for a rousing end of the 2006 season combined with a celebration of Halloween - music, costumes, prizes, the works. We were excited and hopeful that this First Annual Halloween Party would be great fun and become a tradition for many years to come.

One never knows for certain about outcomes. All we can do is live life to its fullest. We had few guests that evening and were so disappointed that we closed the restaurant for the 2006 Season at the end of the evening. It was not fun. The 'stories' from the View are many. For me, a lifelong educator, jumping into building, owning and running a business  proved to be incredibly insightful in understanding how our education system and the business world are wedded in reality. 

Today I am choosing to share one of the View stories about a the son of one of our employees. I will call him Billy. Billy's mom was a hard working kitchen employee. She knew that I worked in the schools for my 'real' job.  On Sunday of Labor Day Weekend while we were working side-by-side scraping dishes she shared with me how excited her five year old son was about his fast approaching "First Day of School." She was so proud of him and his new attire for the big event.

School in upstate New York typically starts for students on Thursday which makes only two days for the first week. I assume it is arranged that way to give educators, parents and students an opportunity to ease back into the school routine after summer. On Labor Day I headed back to my school job. I returned that Friday evening to work in the restaurant. I was happy to see Billy's mom and was looking forward to hearing about Billy's first day of school.

Warily she looked at me and said. "Oh, Mary Ann. The first day was fine. There were no tears from Billy. He left me excitedly with his new clothes and new back pack anticipating the wonder of school. However, after getting off the bus on Friday (the second day) he looked at me and said, 'Mommy you lied to me.'"

"Mary Ann", Bill's mom continued, "I was shocked. I had no idea what he could be talking about and then he said, 'You told me school is going to be fun and it is not fun. It is sitting still and listening and I'm not going back, I already know enough.'"

I have reflected on this 'school is not fun' notion often. School should be fun. Learning is fun. Our children are so curious and somehow our education system manages to shut down that curiosity in many of our students the very first day of school. And so I wonder how educators are managing to put the fun back in their classrooms with all of the rules and regulations today. I know you are out there - teachers  having fun with their students every day. My hat is off to you! Keep up the fun approach to teaching and learning. My hope is for all teachers to find a way to put the fun in learning for their students and perhaps more importantly for themselves.

Billy should be in sixth grade now. I wonder how he is doing. I wonder if he can read and write for understanding. Billy, I hope you found at least one teacher that has made school fun for you. At least one teacher that has instilled in you the desire to learn, has supported you with their belief in you, and  has encouraged you to persist when the challenges arise.


"We are our stories and I am sticking to it."

Mary Annisms (Cliffs Notes) on Serendipity

Appreciation is life support.

Procrastination ignites good and bad stress.

Vocabulary is live.

Friendship is a choice.

To change is to create.

Question:  Do you like Acorn ? (A poem by MAE in 1995 - see Serendipity post 10/13/12)

Acorn:  Now anchored, resolute and nourshing-strong to continue its cycle of life.

-a friend

Serendipity

What a week! So much  has occurred as life around me continues to fall into place i.e out of my control. All joking aside I can't make this STUFF up. STUFF defined as "Some Totally Unbelievable Foo Foo." I am not sure what 'Foo Foo' is or how to spell it. Foo Foo is a word a friend of mine uses and I am not sure what it means, but it seems to fit here where I am trying to keep this blog 'family appropriate'.  My STUFF this week has been pure serendipity.

First, I want to express gratitude to my readers and second, gratitude to my technology guys. My website had been down for a few days due to some kind of technology challenge. David, my new Computer Guy, and Ed, my long time "Go to Computer Guy," communicated yesterday afternoon and I'm back up and running. "Thank you, David and Ed." And then it was Friday afternoon and I could procrastinate writing this blog no longer. (An aside here - 'monkey mind indulgence' - I have a wonderful great niece, Casey, who shares the "Art of Procrastination" with me and it drives her mother, Karen, crazy! It must be in the genes I tell, Karen.)

So it is Friday afternoon and it is my choice - to blog or not to blog this week. "How often do you blog?" one of my readers asked me. "Good question," I responded. "I don't know." It's about commitment I said to myself. Commitment to whom? Chuckling to myself, I thought - that is one life question you do know the answer to, Mary Ann.  There is absolutely only one person in this world you have to answer to - that person in the mirror. So I began to blog Friday afternoon with the intent of posting before midnight on Saturday.

I have a few readers. I do not want to let them down and therein lies my commitment to blogging for a second time in my life. I like to write (and talk, lol) and I am humbled that some friends are taking the time to read and respond. I was thrilled to see that someone left a comment on my blog and "I wonder, who could it be?"  And I had other feedback, too. One friend 'shared me' on his Facebook page. Another friend called and told me, "I read all of them (my posts)."  "What did you think?" I inquired. "The last three are more personal and they are a bit repetitious," he replied. "You are correct. Point well taken," I respond.  And yet one more friend via text messaging, ":-D".  There is nothing quite like feedback, be it 'yeah or nay ' to encourage or discourage you. Thank you, Dear Friends, for your time and feedback. 

So about STUFF from this past week. I can hardly believe how I am revisiting my past all of a sudden. Five dear friends who have shared life with me are all suddenly connecting with me. It feels so wonderful. The serendipity is quite unbelievable and here is the foo foo. I am blogging Friday afternoon and suddenly the phone rings. I can hardly believe the name on my phone screen. It was yet another friend that I had been thinking and wondering about earlier in the day. It was so great to hear from him and to catch up on our stories.  I'm telling you I can't make this STUFF up. Each of these friends are dear to me, each of them in my life for "a reason, a season, or a lifetime".  Friendship, what a gift! The serendipity of these connections reminded me of a poem I wrote in September 1995. Thanks, for indulging me. Enjoy this October weekend!

Acorn

Released

     At the precise moment, gravity ruling

     Crashing, sputtering

     Clicking, clattering through the branches and leaves

     Touching down in seconds.

     Quietly bouncing

     On the moist earth

     Ricocheting into the stream.

Acorn

     Floating

     Along the gentle rapids

     Sinking to the bottom, intermittently

     Resting between cracks and crevices

     Formed by the stones and pebbles.

     Dawdling, rambling, gushing

Controlled

     Now by the

                   stream.

     Knowing not

     Where, how or when

     It will rest one day

Acorn

     At its prime

     Embarking

     On its solitary 

                   journey

     Momentarily

Touched

     My soul

     Jolting my reverie

     Accompanying me

     On my solitary

                   journey.

     

 

The Wonder of It All

I am pleased and honored to have received a response to last week's blog.  It came via a text message on my cell phone and I quote:

"I just read your blog post. I feel so much the same as you and do feel your pain ... I'm sending you the best good feelings I can."

First, I want to say thank you to my friend for reading my blog and sending me those 'good feelings'. This person is embracing a life story that is similar to mine.  I so appreciated these good feelings coming my way. What a wonderful outcome for my 'After the Storm' blog! I wonder what the outcome(s) would be if humans would take the time to acknowledge their similarities with ALL humans sharing this planet?

So in continuing with my self-diagnosis (PTS) I am relieved to have a label for my symptoms - inability to focus, unwillingness to commit, depressing thoughts like 'what's the use of ___'  and a genuine feeling that I am not productive. So, I have a label - not an excuse. Now what am I going to do with this label? In our 'popping a pill' solution to so many things in our American society I actually considered seeking a prescription drug. However, before I succumb to that notion I decided to consider the other end of the stress spectrum i.e. the effects of 'good stress'.

Good stress gets your heart pumping, increases your breathing rate, causes chemical reactions in your body, feeds your psyche, and imprints your DNA, too! Yes, it feels oh, so good, when you are in the flow (see Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi) experiencing 'good stress'. How do you get there? How do you break the PTS dam and access flow? How do you achieve flow, thereby moving forward living, laughing, and learning?

Living flow when you are stressed, depressed, and traumatized is easier said than done. It requires embracing your wound, wanting to heal, forgiving yourself, forgiving others, persisting, and hoping for tomorrow. It requires the challenge of looking at your trauma in a different way i.e. for the good it brought you. I am learning about the notion of 'woundology' (Caroline Myss) - the concept that some folks define themselves by their physical, emotional, and/or social wounds. It makes sense that when you use past traumas or wounds to define yourself or when others use your traumas to define you, you get stuck in trauma rerun(s). When this occurs you do not have energy to heal, to move forward. 

In my wondering about the notions of woundology and flow I have discovered that reminiscing about the times I lived flow and identifying the things which enabled me to live flow is useful. Did you ever ask yourself, "How did I get here?"My answer is "I remember every step I took!" Thinking about my story and acknowledging that I alone am responsible for my story is a key to healing. By combining the lessons of my past with hope for future lessons I may have identified step one in the solution to coping with PTS without drugs.

One more thing - through my communication my friend re my blog  I realized that he interpreted my blog as a reaching out for compassion - a very logical deduction.  Perhaps in some subconscious way I was asking for compassion. That's not a bad thing, so long as I am not practicing 'woundology'. What is curious to me is that as I hit the blog 'post' button I was ecstatic and realized I had been experiencing flow the whole time I was blogging! Blogging, writing, and sharing my thoughts (my stories) with others really makes me happy, makes me experience flow. Now blogging for what purpose other than to make me happy?

Hmmmm, I wonder how blogging and/or sharing our stories might address the effects of stress in our schools, our workplaces, and our communities. We are living in very stressful AND exciting times. I believe it is all good - some not so, some no, and some very. By sharing our 'not so good' stories, our 'no good' stories, and our 'very good' stories I believe we will discover "we are more similar than different" thereby setting the stage for appreciation of our differences. The wonder of it all!

After the Storm

I am thinking about how helpful it is to have a label for what is troubling you. I have been experiencing fatigue, inability to focus, inability to commit, anxiety, depression - all of these symptoms. I criticize myself for not getting more done on most days. My inner voice is great at criticizing and less skilled at complimenting. The latter is a blog for another day.

I have been coping with the unexpected death of my husband for the past five and a half years and have labeled my symptoms as depression. Not a 'drug taker' I have participated in bereavement/support groups and have read lots of self-help books about coping after the death of a loved-one. I know the 'stuff' to do. I try to put this 'stuff' in some sort of time schedule. A time schedule all too often never completed or completed inefficiently because I am so easily distracted. The notion of 'monkey mind' is a wonderful description of my inability to focus.

One day last week I was in a conversation with a friend who was dealing with Post Traumatic Stress (PTS). She lives in New Orleans and was anxious about the condition of her home after Isaac. She related how Isaac brought back the emotions of Katrina. She, too, had been experiencing all of my symptoms. Reflecting on that conversation I googled PTS. Now I understand. I have PTS. Trauma is unique to each of us. Trauma is defined by our 'stories'. Surviving a new trauma in one's ongoing living story, triggers PTS symptoms often rewinding memories embedded in our DNA from long ago. The memories, the emotions, the effects linger long after the storm.

I remember learning about brain-based teaching and how trauma triggers a 'flight or fight' response in the brain (survival brain). It shuts down higher level thinking. I remember learning at that time  that it takes at least 24 hours for the brain to regroup after one trauma. At the time I wondered - how can students living in environments under continual trauma/stress ever access their  higher level thinking skills?

Having just recognized my own challenges based on PTS I'm curious about the challenges it brings to our schools encompassing both students and teachers. How do we reckon with the symptoms of PTS in our classrooms? Teachers are stressed, students are stressed, families are stressed, our world is stressed. The ability to utilize this label, to identify this familiar human condition, provides an opportunity to connect with and understand each other. Establishing and acknowledging that we are all living with PTS will most likely ignite compassion, respect, understanding, and trust. In sharing our stories we will discover "we are more similar than different."